Written by eLbie in zEn at 10:40 am on Nov, 24 2008
[currently] on the dumb megabus on the way back to ny. *rolling eyes* i am SO sorry for cheating on you, boltbus, you are SO much better than this one. listening to vikter duplaix to get my zEn in order… he is so good to my ears. i’m in the mood for love…
i don’t know if it’s because my bff is getting married, or if it’s because the weather is getting colder and i’m longing to be held close and protected from the chill in the night. the same chill that sometimes creeps into my room and catches a corner of my exposed skin.
today i feel like writing about love. about the magic of it and the capability that it has to make you feel like you can accomplish anything or overcome any challenges that life might randomly throw at you. no matter what gets ugly and where, true love stays beautiful, pure, and untainted. always a constant.
it’s quiet beautiful. and it’s also sad because many people are robbed of the capacity to ever give or receive this kind of love. ever.
i constantly pray for those hurt hearts.
i ♥ love. how forgiving it is. how all-knowing it is. how calm and confident it is. how safe it is. a place where you can come and be yourself and not feel bad for any of it. not one tiny bit.
and all the while, [as if that wasn't enough] love is also there to support you in your personal goals and dreams too. AND struggle with you when things get messed up and shit gets real. i mean who wouldn’t ♥ love???
anybody??
yea. well i sure need it and i have to say that i am SOOOOO blessed in the love that i have in my life. all the way from my family, to my few but necessary friends, to my honey that is too far right now for me to enjoy right NOW.
sucks huh? i know. but i’m a believer in not seeking the easy way out. i am enjoying the slow-paced consistency. sometimes it’s good not to get what you want exactly how and when you want it. [ ugh! ] ok ok ok.
like i said. i like how it’s going. it’s so good … rEaLLy good. *sigh* :D and soon enough we will be enjoying each other again even more than before. :D
Written by eLbie in zEn at 9:34 am on Nov, 21 2008
that is, thank God i’m fabuLous… [currently] doing too much, as usual. i have some errands to run in jersey real quick. and be back home before 6:30 to sign for a delivery. be back later…
finally made it home, it is now almost 6:20 [already checked on my delivery and it will be here soon!!] and i made it thru this long day. going to dc for a couple of days. gonna see my godbaby and family at bff’s bridal shower, so i look forward to that. making my famous shrimp pasta as well as my infamous potato salad. i can’t wait to PIG out!
getting on the boltbus at 6:45 in the am tomorrow, and i am NOT looking forward to that one bit. let’s just hope the train is working this weekend cuz if not, i WILL slam take a cab all the way to penn station. i am not playing.
ok so how about this, i went out the other night and got a [reminder]dose of how disrespectful people are to the institute of marriage. so disrespectful, in fact, that it is damn-near contagious. i mean who the hell am i to be thinking about your spouse, if YOU aren’t even thinking about their asses??? i meeeeeean…. i’m just SAYING.
disgusting i tell you. but it is too much of the norm these days for me to be reacting so adversely every time i come across the shit. i mean, i might actually run out of throw-up!!!
and i’m actually supposed to be SAD that i’m 32 and never been married?????? -umm- YA.
Written by eLbie in zEn at 12:42 pm on Nov, 18 2008
[currently] making my to-do list for the rest of the week. loving my room more and more each day. it takes very little to make me happy. [in spite of what many believe]
ok so the other day i was talking to my little cousin who is in 12th grade about her application process for college. is it ME, or do ‘guidance counselors’ NOT give the pertinent information to students about what they need to be doing to prepare for college.
do you know that nobody told this child that she is not only to concentrate on academics, but she also needs to be able to successfully explore her non-scholastic interests while she is school????
as a matter of fact- there is not even an ounce of CARE in the school system for these kids. kids that need guidance and stability around them are getting nothing BUT dramarama all over the place.
*sigh* it makes me think twice about bringing a baby into this world, but not for long.
i’m telling you, 2010 will not get here without welcoming my new little one on this planet first.
*i love the mere idEa of it all*
what would i name a little munchkin that was created in my body? ….. i’m thinking something that starts with an E.
if it’s a girl, y’all better be glad if i don’t name her eLbeteLLe …. i’m so bad
Written by eLbie in zEn at 12:07 pm on Nov, 18 2008
[currently] contemplating a bright future and thanking God for all the blessings that He continues to bless me with. in spite of my imperfections.
ok so i have to vent a little bit about some stuff. well scratch that, i WAS gonna vent about some stuff but decided to keep it to my private collection. on another and equally important note tho’, i wanted to answer some questions that i have come across. one of them being about my music. where is it? where is the girl band? when.. what.. who? !!!!! let me tell you something, it has been endlessly frustrating to create the kind of music that i want to make. when i find a producer, we either don’t match creatively or we don’t match in our ideals. it sucks. especially when you have a burning desire to create organic music, as opposed to a ‘work for hire’ per se. of course i know that studio time has to be paid for, but i rather not hire the creative juices that are flowing up and through there. [unless of course your name is Ryan Leslie, etc]
as for the girl band. i do have a bass player secured, and a drummer. i still need keys and a dj/engineer. i am putting out several nets that keep coming back empty. there are many male musicians that are out there, but the females are a lot more difficult to find. it’s all good tho, i am willing to go -slowly but surely- for one of my life’s ultimate dreams. it’s allllll good. i can be patient.
organization. that has been the word of the day, week, and month. small spaces and too much stuff. talk about my feng shui skills are TRULY being tested. i might have to do before-and-after pics…. mmm maybe not. ’security reasons’ .
any who- let me go and finish all the work i have to do before i finish up. i got the domain for the new brand i will be working on with vincent hunt. he’s SUPER on point so i need to be thorough in my vision before i share it with him.
p.s. remind me not to agree to go to a play when i much rather be getting caught up on work, organizing my room and making it more serene. *sheesh!* but, oh yes, the bathroom looks sooooooo relaxing n pretty. :)
Written by eLbie in zEn at 1:34 pm on Nov, 14 2008
[currently] listening to buddah-bar on my pandora sitting at home in harlem. feeling good to be a year older and wiser.
had so much fun on my birthday weekend. babysis came down with her bff and they stayed in chelsea. it was super cute. we went out 2 nights in a row aaaaand i went out on MONDAY after they left. talk about it took me 2 days to recover. i got like 5 hours of sleep all weekend! oh hell naw.. i needed to sleep and i did. i rested and stopped running around all over the place for a second. it was good.
now i’m back in my element and it’s time to get my room done. painted and all that. i’m deciding on a color asap.
made a few discoveries in the past few days…
i got issues. seriously now. i have deep-rooted unresolved feelings of abandonment. i don’t know where they come from exactly [although i have some idea] but they sure are there. i know it’s true, but it’s soooo hard for me to believe that people aren’t always disappointments. i tend to stay away from a lot of people emotionally because of the fact that i have no proof they will hold up their end of our bargain. furthermore, experience has taught me that, for the most part, they don’t.
they didn’t go out of their way like i did for them. didn’t disregard their own needs for the sake of ‘us’ like i did.
so where does that leave me? in a place of comfort and safety that i have created for myself. a dark place, but there is a candle that burns quietly here. and it never seems to go out…
no matter how dark it gets around me.
honestly, i like it here most of the time. and if somesexyone that i loved and adored would join me here on occasion, i would prolly like it all the time. *shrug*
the problem is, sometimes, there are innocent bystanders that get hurt in the process of my so-called darkness. i don’t mean any harm, i swear. but it just is what it is.
i guess the first step to recovery is admitting the problem…
welcome to my blog... i write everyday. i'm very random. intensely emotional. constantly seek zen in everything
|a walking contradiction|
i'm a freelance writer so don't get confused [or get it twisted] by the very improper way that i write on this blog. these thoughts are personal not business. that's different. :) iloveyou4reading.
[in spite of what many believe] 
…. i’m so bad 
