[currently] listening to buddah-bar on my pandora sitting at home in harlem. 
feeling good to be a year older and wiser.
had so much fun on my birthday weekend. babysis came down with her bff and they stayed in chelsea. it was super cute. we went out 2 nights in a row aaaaand i went out on MONDAY after they left. talk about it took me 2 days to recover. i got like 5 hours of sleep all weekend! oh hell naw.. i needed to sleep and i did. i rested and stopped running around all over the place for a second. it was good.
now i’m back in my element and it’s time to get my room done. painted and all that. i’m deciding on a color asap.
made a few discoveries in the past few days…
i got issues. seriously now. i have deep-rooted unresolved feelings of abandonment. i don’t know where they come from exactly [although i have some idea] but they sure are there. i know it’s true, but it’s soooo hard for me to believe that people aren’t always disappointments. i tend to stay away from a lot of people emotionally because of the fact that i have no proof they will hold up their end of our bargain. furthermore, experience has taught me that, for the most part, they don’t.
they didn’t go out of their way like i did for them. didn’t disregard their own needs for the sake of ‘us’ like i did.
so where does that leave me? in a place of comfort and safety that i have created for myself. a dark place, but there is a candle that burns quietly here. and it never seems to go out…
no matter how dark it gets around me.
honestly, i like it here most of the time. and if somesexyone that i loved and adored would join me here on occasion, i would prolly like it all the time. *shrug*
the problem is, sometimes, there are innocent bystanders that get hurt in the process of my so-called darkness. i don’t mean any harm, i swear. but it just is what it is.
i guess the first step to recovery is admitting the problem…
tootles.. for now
[3654]
thevisualpoetssociety
Comment made on November 14, 2008 @ 2:40 pm
elbie
judging my
the facebook photos
you had a good time
thats nice
about this post
people
are lemmings
for the most part
most are followers
or reactionaries
or victims
it is lonely
but
you keep going
your way
and
‘that one’
will come along
remember
if everyday
was a sunny day
would a
sunny day
be so special
h…………………….
Anonymous
Comment made on November 14, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
Well..as my status read on myspace…”I’m tired of all these ‘dial-ups’ where’s the FiOs at??”. Unfortunately ppl can’t keep up…they chat too much..but ain’t sayin or doin nothin! Patience…
-Mitu
eLbie
Comment made on November 15, 2008 @ 11:22 am
h- you are SO right!!!! . Mitu - i swear, my baby sis is SO smart!!! [i raised u right!] u aint never lied!!! and OMG- did u say ‘where’s the FIOS???’ *cracking up* i am SOOO mad that your twitter is HATING cuz that needed to be on there!!!!!:(
Joy Thomas
Comment made on November 15, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
Sometimes ‘wildfires in the brush’ are needed to keep us quiet and still. And once those fires cease to burn and the thick billows fade..
A sunflower in the midst.. Hope lingers on somehow.. somehow