photo by: ajani & make-up by: arTIAstry

[I MISS YOU BOO!! can't wait till u come back to me]
hi honies.. last night i was watching intervention about one of the guys from city high… u remember that group, right? anywho, it was a very interesting episode and i was [as usual] drawn to the marginalized character in the story. his babymomma. smh. now i don’t usually use that word, but in this case, it’s appropriate. chiiiiile.

oh heyl naw. he was so mean and rude to her. piss drunk or NOT, i don’t care. you’re a rude bastard. period. and… AND!!! he didn’t hesitate to remind her of the fact that she is just the good ole faithful consolation prize since he LOST in the game of GetClaudetteToLoveMe. smh.

so i just began thinking of how LOW a person’s self esteem would have to be, to be in a ‘relationship’ with someone that they allow to make them feel WORTHLESS. take, take, and take all their goodies and never have any goodies to give. smh. i mean. where is the glitch in your matrix that made you drop the ball on your number ONE purpose in life~> to LOVE, APPRECIATE, SPOIL, and go out of your WAY to TAKE CARE of YOU. i mean, wtf??

i cant.

the sad thing is, this type of disease comes from childhood. no question about it. and yes, i call it a disease. think about it. dis - ease. yeah. how you treat your child when they are young, is how they will [MOST LIKELY] treat themselves [and others] in adulthood. it really hurts my spirit when i have to encounter the result of bad parenting / early abandonment. *sigh* come ON!!! work with me people!!!

stop having babies you can’t take care of!!! financially OR spiritually. cuz, as we know, a lot of money does NOT a good parent make. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! and i don’t mean the selfish, possessive, your-life-will-be-as-i-planned-it-to-be-or-ELSE, kind of ‘love’.
i’m talking about the kind that allows you to BE exactly who you are [whoever that may be], and evolve with no limitations or constraints. a free kind of love that connects you to a higher being early in your life because it FEEDS you, not drain. life is hard as it is. nobody has time for parents that make it even harder. hello, did i ASK you to be born???

i wont get too much deeper into it cuz i try to make my blogs short and to the point but SHEESH!!! i do have to say this tho:

IF you did grow up in an environment that was draining. if you did grow up without being given affection, a role model to look up to, or was put down/abused > i say this to you:

rise ABOVE. go beyond what you know by experience. call into your life what the UNIVERSE [God] says you deserve even though the your parents, in the flesh, didn’t do their job. now it’s YOUR job to get that understanding, and learn to love yourself because you know better. its HARD to do, but SO??? u survived your childhood didn’t you???

ok ok ok. imma stop blabbing but u get the point honies…

in the words of the FABULOUS ru-paul: ‘if you don’t love yourself, the how in then HEYL you gonna love anybody else’

~*smOoches*~

rescuers recover debris from the sea.

i swear… i can’t take any more tragedy. *sigh*

hi honies… i had a whole ‘i LOVE monday’ post ready for today, but iCant…

yesterday, a boeing 737-300 ethiopian airlines jetliner crashed into the mediterranean sea shortly after take off on 1.25.10 at 2:30am. the plane was headed to addis ababa, the capital city of ethiopia. witnesses say that the plane exploded into flames and four pieces before diving into the water. There was a heavy thunderstorm underway at that time, a defense ministry official reported. at this time, i know there are a very few survivors but not sure on that exact number.

*siiiiiigh* this is too much. i mean, how much more tragedy and confusion can we take??
i send many many prayers to the victims, their surviving family and friends…

for information about the passengers on the plane, please look at the news clips i have below. the one in amharic [u do know english is my 3rd language right?] has phone numbers that you can call for more detailed information. the next video clip is in english, not sure if that has the same info.

dreaming of you…
counting down the days
till i see you
my mind wants me to believe -the past 8 months were a dream…
you cant possibly exist.
can you?

did i create you out of wishes?
do you exist only in my perfect world?
in my endless deliberation?
there is no such thing as perfect…
is there?

my heart tells a much different tale.
one that lives closer to my soul.
far away from reason.
independent of rationale.
abandoning all logic.
simply put- you do exist.
in total perfection.
absent of any static…
your aura.
a perfect fit.
my insanity…
your calming elements.
perfectly…
fit.

you live beyond water and oxygen…
a higher element.
untangible bliss
you are…
laced with infinite possibilities.
addicted.
i need your fix, my love.
withdrawal has set in.

as i wait.
yearning… longing.. dreaming..
loving

you.
♥ mE.

um..yea..NO. i didn’t go anywhere last night… planets just didn’t line up right…. and we know what THAT means…[it wasn't meant] *wink*

and guess WHAT else???? boo commented on yesterday’s post and made my whole week AGAIN. omg… SO in love *sigh*♥♥♥♥♥

*clears throat* hi honies….[and those that just come here to be mean and ugly, i love y'all too!] *cheese* i had to write about something that i realized today.

actually, let me rephrase that. not ‘realized’… more like ‘recognized’ that i’m constantly reminded of it.

the universe is on point. i tell YOU. there are plenty of times where it’s easy for me to get a bit clouded with judgement about a certain situation or place i’m in my life. i get very annoyed and impatient because i feel like i’m not where i need to be, or that things aren’t going the way i need them to be going. and every single time, **BUZZ** i’m WRONG!!

i’m always EXACTLY where i’m supposed to be, regardless of whether i like being there or not. these past few weeks have been sorta icky.. especially with mercury messing with me everyday of my life, etc etc… for whatever reason, i have not been in the mood. while, at the same time, not really KNOWING what’s bothering me.

it wasn’t until today… this exact moment, that it all came together right before my eyes and ears. smh. i always marvel at how the universe moves. i’m even more amazed by the ways life seems to maneuver around it so ‘gracefully’. the less you fight it, the better it is for the rest of us to tolerate you.

*whew* that was good.
have a great SUNday!!!! i certainly will.

edit- OMG!!!!! did y’all see my baby’s comment [live from haiti] on my heart is attacking post????? *faints* *gets back up* that LITERALLY made my whole WEEK. *sigh* i LOVE that child.

[ok- im calm now]
i went out last night with my homie ‘blue’ and we had a cool time. it was a nice crowd [for ONCE] so i didn’t mind being out the house [cuz y'all KNOW i don't get out].

so how bout i’m going out tonight, AGAIN. for a friend’s birthday party celebration… it’s gonna be cute only cuz i’m in a cute kinda mood… i think imma wear my i <3 ___ <~~[enter boo's name here] t-shirt. LMAOOO!! a great way to annoy the party people no?? yaaas. i love it!

i mean, i don't mean to be a party pooper, but i am just not the one to enjoy a crowd of strangers getting inebriated beyond belief and carryin' on with one another. i'm just NOT into it. i much rather be in an intimate [dark] setting with one or 2 people discussing life, spirituality and worlds of mysticism... all over endless cups of heavenly chai tea and lovely 'verde' in the air for atmospheric pleasuring purposes..... i'm way too [TOO] sensitive to auras to be out and about nonchalantly intermixing with everybody's [empty] energy. it's too much for me... draining. *shrug* but that's just |me|<~~weirdo.

anywho! i'm gonna start gettin ready shortly... in the mood for getting overly dolled up and being reDIKK... i wish i had some melody ehsani glasses: they woulda got ROCKED tonight...

i miss my baby…. and i already know it’s gonna only intensify at this ding dang party. ho-hum. thank goodness for imagination and obsession.

i got plenty of both….

nite honies!