it’s funny… just a few days ago i was beating my chest talking about “i am GROWN” [hear me roar and shit] hmmm….
blink-blink….

today- not so much.

yeah, a bitch is side-tracked a bit but GUESS WHAT???? [enter li'l kim instrumental] i handled it like a REAL bitch. [cut music]
*cheese*

in a nut-shell… i was presented with some very troubling information and then instead of killing a bitch and cuttin’ a ho… i was CALM and reflective and put things in the proper prospective.

even though the hurt is still here, it feels good to know that iiiiiiiiiiii am ok no matter what crap people want to do behind my back. feels GREAT to know that i was actually ABLE to put SPACE between myself and the effed up situation that confronted me [along with a plethora of messed up thoughts and ugly ideas]. it felt good to cry about progress instead of pity or anger. *cheese again*

and ULTIMATELY- [let's keep it real] karma is a MUTHAFUKKA & a bitch ALL in one, so i don’t have to do anything but be the wonderful, radiant, FORGIVING, soul that i was always meant to be. regardless of the foolishness that’s out here…

*sucks teeth* ok… i’m out for now… [no pic of me. sorry]

~*~smOochEs~*~

i wanna react. blow some shit up.
strangle somebody and choke the truth out of them…
thank God for introspection and stillness…
that’s where i need to be right now..
the rif raf is pollution and i know it.
my ego is lying to me.
i know it.
thank God for writing and for music…

i can’t see it coming from my eyes, so i gotta let the song cry:

FIRE BOMB - by Rih Rih

I just wanna set you on fire
So I don’t have to burn alone
Then you
Then you’ll know where
I’m coming from
Fire bomb
Oh, oh, oh
Fire bomb

this year marks a new decade. with mercury in retrograde, there are lots of things that are in confusion, but i am focused on the prize and not getting distracted. this new decade marks a major step for me. i am aware of things now that i wasn’t aware of in the past decade. i wasn’t aware of my own divinity. the phrase om namah shivaya… <~~i recognize the divinity withIN me, has played a major role in my recent years.

i have spent entirely TOO much of my life TRYING to be acceptable to others [mainly family and culture]. it's not their fault. i don't blame anyone for my own need for acceptance. it's human. we all fall victim to it at one point or another.

i want to better myself. i will better myself to be the best ME i can be. not for anyone else but for the universe because that is what will benefit the big picture.

people need to realize that life is not about just THEM... there are other beings on this planet that want to be happy too and as long as they aren't getting in your way, it's none of your business how they get theirs.

for me, the missing pieces of my life are heavily rooted in the lack of the following:

yoga/meditation
writing
love

slowly but surely the universe has conspired to give me all the tools that i need to fulfill my destiny and i am learning to receive.

funny how, as soon as you think you know what you're doing, you get a 'gentle' reminder that you are nothing more than a student. learning how to correctly be a vehicle that is designed to accomplish a purpose WAY bigger than you.

ok. lemme go now. boo is coming over for dinner
~*~smooches~*~

this video just came out. SO on point for the new year/decade. as usual. another sagg that knows how to move in time. yaaaaaaas.

one of my fave memories of the ‘00-’09

this new year is very special. it means a lot to me.. a lot is happening right now… mercury is in retrograde, there was a full BLUE moon last night, not to mention a lunar eclipse… soooooo many changes going on and i know everybody is feeling it on some level or another. call me a wierdo but it is what it is. energy is real and if you’re anything like me you have the tendency to feel it. good or bad.

anywho, for the new decade, i will be taking elbieinc.com back to where it once was and beyond. i look forward to it and i know it will be fulfilling and amazing to do what it is that i do. create. write. love. while simultaneously living consciously. and repeating this healthy cycle as many times as humanly possible.

for me, it’s the only way that i feel alive and if i am not allowing myself time to be creative, it’s like [seriously] blocking my oxygen.
but MOST importantly… i must say this one thing:

i’m letting go of fear. after all, it’s the ONE reason i have ever had issues. not what IS but, fear of what COULD BE. *shaking my head furiously* naw… that wont be me NO MAS! imma do ME, and whoever don’t like it, can go on bout their business. i’m grown. thanks.

for my 20ten eve celebration, i went to see miss MIMI at the Garden. a memorable experience for one reason :•P [too lazy to post pics now will post later]
seriously though? i am very grateful for the many ways i am blessed. i know i complain, and rant, and rave… but please know that over ALL, i have nothing to complain about and LIFE is GOOD.

after all, it’s all we got. it HAS to be good.