isn’t it crazy how an emotion can make you feel like you can’t breathe? i mean is that even FAIR to your body to be physically traumatized for an EMOTION?? something that doesn’t even exist in real form??????

chiiiiiiile, i’m a recovering dramatic emotionholic. oh yes. BIG drama and even BIGGER emotion. smh. and just like any other addiction [drug being- LovE], it quickly takes a grip of your life and does not let go.
i wile out, or rather, i ‘used’ to…, or rather, i’m tryna get it to be my past already. sheesh! i have a very intense scorpio nature to fight for justice [especially the love kind] and punish all those that are against it. like it’s the mission of my life to make sure nobody gets wronged.
what?
oh no, not my little 5′3”, 107lb life. no thanks.

mama’s tiyad…. i can’t i don’t feel like fighting everybody anymore… don’t get it twisted, it’s HARD to repress the venom that wants to lash out at everybody within a 20 mile radius, the hardest thing that i’ve had to do, personally, in a very long LONG time.

it’s funny… just a few days ago i was beating my chest talking about “i am GROWN” [hear me roar and shit] hmmm….
blink-blink….

today- not so much.

yeah, a bitch is side-tracked a bit but GUESS WHAT???? [enter li'l kim instrumental] i handled it like a REAL bitch. [cut music]
*cheese*

in a nut-shell… i was presented with some very troubling information and then instead of killing a bitch and cuttin’ a ho… i was CALM and reflective and put things in the proper prospective.

even though the hurt is still here, it feels good to know that iiiiiiiiiiii am ok no matter what crap people want to do behind my back. feels GREAT to know that i was actually ABLE to put SPACE between myself and the effed up situation that confronted me [along with a plethora of messed up thoughts and ugly ideas]. it felt good to cry about progress instead of pity or anger. *cheese again*

and ULTIMATELY- [let's keep it real] karma is a MUTHAFUKKA & a bitch ALL in one, so i don’t have to do anything but be the wonderful, radiant, FORGIVING, soul that i was always meant to be. regardless of the foolishness that’s out here…

*sucks teeth* ok… i’m out for now… [no pic of me. sorry]

~*~smOochEs~*~

i wanna react. blow some shit up.
strangle somebody and choke the truth out of them…
thank God for introspection and stillness…
that’s where i need to be right now..
the rif raf is pollution and i know it.
my ego is lying to me.
i know it.
thank God for writing and for music…

i can’t see it coming from my eyes, so i gotta let the song cry:

FIRE BOMB - by Rih Rih

I just wanna set you on fire
So I don’t have to burn alone
Then you
Then you’ll know where
I’m coming from
Fire bomb
Oh, oh, oh
Fire bomb

this year marks a new decade. with mercury in retrograde, there are lots of things that are in confusion, but i am focused on the prize and not getting distracted. this new decade marks a major step for me. i am aware of things now that i wasn’t aware of in the past decade. i wasn’t aware of my own divinity. the phrase om namah shivaya… <~~i recognize the divinity withIN me, has played a major role in my recent years.

i have spent entirely TOO much of my life TRYING to be acceptable to others [mainly family and culture]. it's not their fault. i don't blame anyone for my own need for acceptance. it's human. we all fall victim to it at one point or another.

i want to better myself. i will better myself to be the best ME i can be. not for anyone else but for the universe because that is what will benefit the big picture.

people need to realize that life is not about just THEM... there are other beings on this planet that want to be happy too and as long as they aren't getting in your way, it's none of your business how they get theirs.

for me, the missing pieces of my life are heavily rooted in the lack of the following:

yoga/meditation
writing
love

slowly but surely the universe has conspired to give me all the tools that i need to fulfill my destiny and i am learning to receive.

funny how, as soon as you think you know what you're doing, you get a 'gentle' reminder that you are nothing more than a student. learning how to correctly be a vehicle that is designed to accomplish a purpose WAY bigger than you.

ok. lemme go now. boo is coming over for dinner
~*~smooches~*~