okay it’s been way too long… and i’m changing shit around up in here…

who- someone that is learning to get closer to zEn by any means necessary…  du-rag on, peasant dress & flip-flops

what- life is beautiful - even the ugly stuff

when- sunday noon  

where- in the back seat on .95 South.

when you are going thru a difficult time and it feels like someone is literally stealing the air out of your lungs, it is important to remember that it’s only a feeling. not to minimize it but, air IS in fact going into your lungs and your heart [thank Goodness] would be beating perfectly normal if it weren’t for these … ‘feelings’ .

not sure if anyone will even know what i’m talking about but imma keep going cuz this is my blog. :) 

anyways- my point is that, no matter how bad it gets. how much he dogs you out or how much she doesn’t tell you her deepest secrets… ultimately, boo boo, u gonna be aight. you will not be going into cardiac arrest or suddenly develop broken-heart cancer and DIE. it’s just not gonna happen. what will hopefully happen is that God blesses you with another day to inhale and exhale oxygen while blood pumps happily through your veins.  hello??? do you know how many people can’t say that?  some people have it so bad that they can’t even complain cuz nobody really gives a damn! 

i don’t know about you, but every time i even THINK about feeling like ‘nobody cares’.. i suddenly get this amazing outpour of love out of every possible angle. ‘how are you, are you ok? you need anything? u got it.’  ‘im showing a house but if you need me, i will drop everything i’m doing to talk to you’  ‘you are beautiful inside and out, i hate to see you not smiling and having an amazing time’  it’s so overwhelming, that it shuts me up quickly! it makes me recognize how good i have it. the amount of unconditional love i have in my life is so beautiful that i shouldn’t even have time to complain.  the nerve!!! 

please take the time to honor and appreciate those that have made your light brighter instead of giving so much time, attention,and ENERGY to the ones that are taking away from your light every chance you give them.

peace & blessings…. 

who- an ego-maniac

what- u know u’re sacrificing too much when others begin to do it too…

when- 9:00am

where- 95 North….

[ok- so thank u to my wonderful friend gregory that helped me see that mercury is NOT in retrograde right now. it just returned to normal ‘grade’ on the 4th of july] 

-wow. let me just tell you. this past week, the planets have been doing a NUMBER on my little life down here on earth. i mean DAMN! there was just a plethora of unexpected events that came swooping down and shake things up a bit. 

everything is wonderful again of course, but i can’t help but think and analyze the nature of humans…  us earthlings. 

it is amazing to me, and it will never cease to amaze me, the degree of abuse we will take just to preserve the familiar. to hold on to something that you have become accustomed to the point that you don’t even know how to begin life without that person, place, or thing. every time you think about it, you get this sick feeling in your stomach and your heart starts beating all fast like you’re about to have a heart attack and shit. yet- ALL THE WHILE- you are trying your damnedest to hold on to the exact cause of all that pain and uncomfortableness. 

amazing. 

what IS that? it has to have a name ‘cuz i see it all over the place. all around me. in many shapes and sizes. 

the way i see it, at least in my life, i do such a good job at sacrificing myself for others [and i do it happily, expecting nothing in return], i inspire others to do the same exact thing… sacrifice me!

wtf??? shouldn’t the sacrificial lamb be nurtured and replenished? i mean unless you’re just trying to kill the poor baby.  but why?  that’s not very nice and God don’t like ugly.

remember that. 

but of course, the ultimate responsibility lies in the person that keeps constantly choosing to go this torturous route in life. there is an equally available option of stopping the shit immediately. and i mean QUICK. it ain’t easy but it is, in fact, simple.   

found this online:

The key issue here is one of focus. Mercury’s retro phase tends to bring unforeseen changes and blockages, but the aggravation and frustration that many of us experience during these periods is often due to our own inability to roll with the punches. Is this due to our ego-fixation? Mercury sets out to restructure our thinking processes and for many of us this is painful and frustrating.   [astrologycom.com]

apparently, my ego is a lot bigger than i thought. 

who- an unsure and faulty human.
what- leaping before looking
when- 11:41am
where- undisclosed location. window-seat, 1st floor

does it make sense to feel like you might have bitten off more than you can chew ?? i mean, who’s fault is it that you took such a big ass bite of that cake anyway ? shit.. not the cake’s!

in this world full of mistrust, how is it possible to move forward with something that is virtually unknown? does it even make sense to do such a thing? don’t people always say, “stick with what you know”? for some reason that is what makes the most sense to me.

but in true faulty-human fashion, i tend to jump right in, before i even check the temperature. sigh… may have given too much, too soon.

so now i’m left with some questions… do i really want to do this whole dating/relationship thing? do i feel like dealing with the all the extra shit that will come with it? have i not been SUPER content so far this wonderful year with just being alone???

yes, i am well aware that there are [and will always be] those inevitable moments of lonely despair, not to mention, sexual frustration. but, don’t those moments [in fact] come even STRONGER and deeper when you only have ONE option for emotional and physical release?? i mean… i’m just saying.

is it truly worth it to give up those things that are just YOU, in order to merge lives with another [equally] faulty human being??

i dunno… can’t quite call it as of yet. but we shall see.

any thoughts? i will respond to comments for this one..

who- a very chilly young lady happy to have music as my soulmate… and air in my lungs.