in your absence, silence and darkness become one.
so i close my eyes and lose all thought.
then come the
nightmares…
lots of them lately. even when i’m awake. . .
i dream |only| of fright and despair.
deeply engulfed in a world without your love
fear of the unknown.
gives birth to a need.
to know.
soon come.
the inevitable.
hi honies- i been mia i know.
i swear this month has been pretty much like my own little version of personal hell on earth. [i never like to complain, but it's my blog and i'll cry if i want to]
i know how the universe works. i know that [often times] many things have to be destroyed in order for something bigger and better to be built instead.
[as destruction takes place]
my shell is cracking. outer exterior breaking down. what lives inside- far outgrowing the confined space surrounding it.
[painful necessities]
things that once amused me, no longer crack a smile. things that once secured me, are nothing more than memories of a blissfully ignorant past. what i once saw as having priority, is now nothing more than [a much less attractive] option.
consistency is not balanced in the environment surrounding me - it’s my only duty to shift the scale in my favor. i refuse to stay in this place of self-sacrifice where everybody is [really] in it for self-ISH.
building and working for their egos - while i build and work for them. no more. no mas. bekKa.
i’m tired.
tired of longing for what is presumably in front of me. tired of feeling unsafe, unwanted, under-appreciated, underestimated, over-worried, overlooked, disregarded, dismissed, and disrespected…
i can’t.
can’t keep questioning myself and ignoring my instincts. can’t keep giving others control of my emotional actions and reactions.
can’t keep being fed lies by my ego and swallowing them whole unconsciously. can’t allow any more situations to off- track my divine interventions.
it’s killing.
killing me to habitually starve my spiritual passions . killing me to reserve for others what isn’t even mine to claim in the first place… sanity….
change is coming.
these days…
my mind is talking too loudly.
in the name of everything pink, soft, and cuddly-
turn the volume down.
pretty please?
O__O
if i had my way
i’d be at home chillin’ with you
instead of working everyday, oh yes
make no mistake
i’d rather be chillin’ with you
instead of being on a paperchase (being on a paperchase)
woke up today wishin’ you were here with me..
missing the way
you touch me everywhere.
hmmmm
i need your kisses,
your embrace.
in your arms is where, where I want to be
hmm…
whenever i’m with you, i feel so free.
can’t get enough…
of you and me.
if i had my way
i’d be at home chilln’ with you
instead of working everyday,
(working everyday) oh yes
make no mistake
i’d rather be chillin’ with you
instead of being on a paperchase, (being on a paperchase)
all I want to do is stay with you, with you, instead of that
just sitting here
wishing you had more time for me
even though… i see you every night
don’t wanna keep you from doing all the things that you need to do.
i wish our love,
our love could pay the bills- so we could chill…
if i had my way
i’d be at home chilln’ with you
instead of working everyday,
(working everyday) oh yes.
being with you is all i wanna do instead of that…
make no mistake i’d rather be chillin’ with you
instead of being on a paperchase, (being on a paperchase)
all I want to do is stay with you, with you, instead of that
dear baby,
today is the day that i’ve been looking forward to spending with you but you are in a whole ‘nother country saving lives [in chile]. i want you to know that i am home and thinking about you every second. talking about you to anyone that isn’t tired of hearing about how wonderful you are.
i wish i could call your mother to thank her for blessing me [and the world] with a giving and positive person like you.
i am grateful beyond any words that i can type on this blog.
patiently waiting for your return,
the love of your life.
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march 11th- update. i’m ‘protesting’ on my blog and leaving my march 9th posting up [until further notice]
sending my baby lots of (((positive energy))) and strength.
there was a strong earthquake reported in chile today. [trying to be calm & positive at all times] *sigh* click here for updates…
i.LovE.u
i will be waiting for you here.
inside my heart, i know i’m the one.
to love you more that you’ve ever experienced.
you will see.
i can give you everything
to build your kingdom
with your princess…/queen-to-be/
by your side.
always.
- i just watched ru paul last episode baby! u will be GLAD when u see who got kicked off *teehee* -
——————————————————————————————————–
march 13th- update.
i got this as a post on my facebook page from one of the most beautiful-est and most kindred spirits i know. its almost as if she felt the energy in my every cellular structure. *sigh*
i was gonna write a piece about some feelings that i’ve been having surface lately… but this song plays the lyrics before my pen ever even touched paper.
thank you for being connected to me berry…. especially at a time where i feel so much disconnect around me. friends like you almost never com in a lifetime. i am so fortunate. i so <3 you!
Clara Hill ft. Vikter Duplaix - Paper Chaser
——————————————————————————————————–
march 14th- update.
had a blessed weekend but it was hard for me not to constantly think about a big piece of my heart that i miss terribly. every other second i am hit with one emotion after another. more earthquakes reported in chile today -sigh-
i’m sending my baby lots of positive energy along with all the people of chile AND haiti as well as the volunteers that are there risking their lives for others. blessings to all those that serve and serve without asking for anything in return…
love you boo.
